


Cordial

by blueoleandar93



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x23, M/M, Prayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6977296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueoleandar93/pseuds/blueoleandar93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could have happened instead of the DeanCas Totally Hetero Dudebro Beer Run. Actual closure.</p><p>(Spoilers for 11x23 Alpha and Omega)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cordial

"Really?!" Sam hissed sharply enough to cut through glass.

The grainy pop of beer slides down Dean's throat as he chugs the bottle as quickly as he can. He wonders if he drinks fast enough, maybe he'd get that feeling quicker. That weightlessness in his mind. That feeling where nothing else matters anymore.

He glanced across the kitchen to see his stoic angel friend standing a safe distance away from him, as he'd learned to do years ago but only just now considered edict. Cas had padded behind his brother and stayed in his corner, quiet and stationary, as if he were waiting to become useful again. Like he isn't until the brothers need him for something. After Lucifer's plan failed, Cas probably feels... gosh, _something_. But, he's been so damned quiet. Floating around, following the brothers like a damned ghost. It's disturbing.

Dean shrugged his shoulders and tried not to look at either of them, "What? We hit Amara with everything we got and she walked it off, so..."

Sam shouted with exasperation, his bitchface set at an all time high, "So, its last call?!"

"That's right." Dean said simply, taking another sip of beer. Castiel frowned a little from the other side of the room, but he didn't contest Dean. It was almost like he was too afraid to. Like if he did the wrong thing, Dean and Sam would kick him out again. Shit. He's barely even moving. Dean glanced over at Sam. His answer was definitely not good enough, "Look, man, if you've got something for me to punch, shoot, or kill let me know and I'll do it. I'll do it till I die. But how are we supposed to fix the friggin' sun?"

More silence. Great. Fucking fantastic. No clues, no shots, no ideas. The world is going to end. Like it's really, seriously, definitely going to end. Bye, bye everything. 

Why isn't he drunk yet?

Dean cursed his iron liver and set his third empty beer bottle down, glancing pitifully at what was left. Why the hell did he buy shandy? It's not a 'get hammered because the world is ending' beer. It's a 'finish a six pack and anyone like Dean can still drive a-ok' beer. He sighed, "You know what? This isn't going to be enough. I better make a run. No reason to die sober." He nodded over to Sam, "You want to?"

Sam wrinkled up his nose in disgust, "No! I'll stay here; find out Plan B."

Dean said, "Okay, Cas, come on." as if Castiel was a second option. The next best thing to keep him company since his brother didn't want to go with him, when really, he knew how it was going to go down. Sam was pissed Dean was even drinking in the first place. No way in hell he'd sit shotgun as Dean drove to the nearby booze stop to get more. But, Cas? He was an enabler. He'd do whatever Dean wanted. Forever. Which is problematic and a lot to deal with any other day, but today it was strangely just what he needed. He didn't feel comfortable leaving Castiel alone to _think_. Christ, that's the last thing he wants Cas to do. Once he sits down and counts every single little damage he's done "trying to help", he might actually go mute. Fuck that. 

Dean stalked out of the room determinedly, ignoring Rowena as she popped up asking about teapots like the bunker is some kind of damned bed and breakfast. Castiel walked silently at his tail. A quiet force of strength and dependability somehow warming him from behind. Safety. Kindness. Trust. This weird emotion that Dean didn't quite know what to name. Yeah, that was Castiel. The angel felt like something hard to explain -- something Dean didn't know was real -- and he keeps lying to himself about it. Maybe one day, he'll tell him.

Except there may not be another day.

This might be the only day left.

If it is, Dean doesn't have the balls yet. Which is a shame. These next few hours are his last. Guaranteed. And for them, he has his Castiel back. And they're finally alone. And Dean has so much to say. But, he can't open his mouth to save his life.

Stupid.

Dean headed down the hall to his bedroom to get rid of his jacket. It was getting warmer out and he just plain didn't need it. Cas stayed silent behind him and a couple moments later, Dean felt something brush his shoulder. Dean stopped in his tracks at the touch and turned completely to see Castiel just one breath behind him, hand still on his shoulder, right where that infamous burn used to be. His palm still fit the ghost of it. Dean asked, "What?"

Castiel said curtly, "We don't have time."

Dean made a face folding his arms and pretending he wasn't doing that so that his bicep flexed under Cas's hand, "To go get beer?"

Cas responded just as tactfully, "To be cordial."

Dean laughed nervously, cursing the blush creeping up his fair neck, " _Cordial_? Busting out the SAT words on me, huh? Well played. I skipped the test."

Cas answered, "You're scared, Dean. I know you are. So, am I. But, if this is our last day on Earth, there's something I have to say to you and you're just going to have to listen."

"And here I was worried you were going to go mute." Dean chuckled.

Castiel ignored Dean's jokes and said simply, "I respect you as a soldier and a hunter and a brother in arms. I truly believe you and Sam are the family I didn't know I was looking for. But, I err. I make mistakes behind every step I take and I don't know why meaning well hasn't made things better for you when that's all I want. You suffer so much and I just want to make it stop. The things you say in your prayers to me... are full of such profound pain and care and longing that it physically hurts me to not answer you."

Dean scoffed as his pulse quickened with embarrassment, "Longing? That's bullshi--"

Castiel quoted, " _Cas, please don't be dead. If Lucifer killed you, I want to say I would kill him. I want to say I'd rip his throat out with my teeth and stab him until the entire room is covered with his blood, but when he looks at me through your eyes... I can't do a thing but treat his body like it's made of porcelain because if there's even a chance you're still in there, the last thing I want to do is hurt you again_."

Dean breathed out, casting his eyes away from the angel as his heart raced in his chest, "I never prayed that--"

Castiel answered, " _Cas, I don't know if you have your ears on, or if you can even hear this, but I'm so worried about you that I can't eat or sleep. Honestly. I can't. Every time I take a bite, it tastes like crap because how can I eat when you're not here to share it with me? How can I rest when you're not safe_?"

Dean closed his eyes hard and balled is hands up in fists, pulling his arms down from where they were crossed over his chest, "Okay, Cas, I get it."

Castiel supplied, " _Cas, Amara is doing something to me. It's like she's inside of my body and twisting my thoughts to fixate on her. Twisting my emotions to pander to her. Twisting my hands to shake and my heart to beat fast in her presence, like the ghost feelings of love. Feelings I only felt for you--_ "

Dean whispered, "Stop."

Castiel continued, " _I only hope she quits it. Quits this pilfering around in my heart and placing herself in a spot where only you were supposed to be--_ "

Dean breathed, "Please, Cas."

Castiel finished, " _Every time she falls to the forefront of my mind, it makes me realize how much I think of you. How much I worry about you. How much I love you and not her--"_

Dean shook his head, still somehow trying to deny it, "Man, come on. That doesn't even sound like me."

Castiel stated, " _Cas, I knew it. I knew he wasn't you. You never touch me like that. You never look at me like that. Why did you let him do this to you? I thought you at least loved me a little. You know how much I need you! How could you?_ "

Dean pushed Castiel's hand from his shoulder and shouted, "Enough! Okay, enough! I get it! Damnit, Cas! Stop! Please!"

"Dean." Castiel kept his eyes on the hunter's stone features, "It's alright."

Dean yelled back forcefully, pushing Castiel hard away from him to practically no avail, "No, it's not! Cas, you're an angel! I'm _human_! That's wrong, right? Besides, my life span is puny as hell compared to yours, dude! How are we supposed to grow grey together?! You're like a billion years old! Aren't I a toddler to you?! Isn't that weird?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Dean, you know how I feel about humanity."

Dean scoffed, waving his hands in the air, "I know. I know. You love it enough to die and Fall for it over and over. You'd become human again in a second if you could. That doesn't make this," Dean gestured to the space between them, "less of a creep ass cross species ick fest."

Castiel quoted blandly, " _Cas, I wonder what your wings look like. They're probably beautiful. You're beautiful. Would you let me stroke_ \--"

"Stop reading my prayers back to me! It's freaking me out! Fine! Okay? You want me to stop being cordial and say it, I'll say it!" Dean growled, "I have a big gay crush on you! You happy? I want my best friend, an _angel_ , to be my stupid little boyfriend. I want to hold your hand and kiss you and fight monsters with you and cook dinner with you every night and-and sleep with you."

Castiel raised his eyebrow.

Dean waved his hands around emphatically, "Not _sexually_ , even though that would be totally fine with me if you wanted to give me a little 'hey hey' every now and then. I sure as hell won't complain! But I meant like sleeping next to you. Waking up to you. Cuddling you and stuff, like a damned girl. I dedicated the entire right side of my bed to you. Which is fucking mental because you don't even fucking sleep because you're a fucking angel, so why would you even fucking need it? Just... say something that's not my own words, because if I spend my last few hours on this Earth left hanging, I'm going to the gun range and I'm shooting until we're out of bullets."

Castiel let out a rare smile. It was small and simple. His blue eyes were steady and sure. He reached out and took Dean's hand from where it was balled into a fist at his side. He pried Dean's fingers open so that he could place his hand right there and looped his fingers through Dean's. Then, he leaned in and pressed his soft, full lips against Dean's forehead, "There are no monsters around to fight. It's a little early to cook dinner and definitely too soon for bed. If you tell me what a 'hey hey' is, I'll do the best I can to make it work."

Dean looked down at their hands, clung together looking just as strong and sure as they want to be, "So, you're not rejecting me?"

Castiel shook his head, "No."

Dean glanced back up into Castiel's bright blue eyes, "Are you sure? Because I'm a huge assho--"

Castiel answered firmly, "Dean Winchester, how many times do I have to die for you for you to finally see what you mean to me?"

Dean raised his free hand to point at Cas's face, "Hey. You die one more time and I'll friggin' kill ya."

Cas smirked, "Dean. You may have forgotten, but we're both going to be dead in about six hours."

Dean smiled simply, "Not on my watch. Let's go back to the library and figure this out."

Castiel asked as Dean started to walk, tugging Cas along beside him, "What about the beer?"

Dean said simply, "Who needs it?"

 


End file.
